Thursday, January 5, 2012
5.365 Stiff Drink
Hangar One Vodka (made just across the way in Alameda), soda, 2 limes.
Oh yes, it was that kind of day. I've been dealing with the disappointment over the fact that I still can not take a 3 day weekend without doing some kind of work. In my mind, I have created all sorts of coping mechanisms for the fact that I have not taken a true and total break from work for 5 years.
+ Working from home is less work than working at the shop / in the studio. So, it is ok that I do it.
+ People around the world work much harder. They have to go to work, and their home lives are harder and more labor intensive, for example, pumping wells for water, growing their own food. So it should not be a problem that I work so much. Vacation? Do 80% of people around the world get vacation? Seems like such a first world problem.
+ I am unable to compensate my employees to the extent that I would like, so at the end of the day, it is my business, and I must step in so that they can do x,y,z in their personal lives. They are doing me a favor by working in my shop.
+ I have to take on this new commission because I need to pay my staff, bills, etc - even if it means adding a new operation into our system, which no one is trained to do. But me.
+ I have thought up a new idea, and am so excited to carry it forth, that I would rather work for the next x days straight than to see it fall by the way side. Even if no one is trained to do but me, which means that I now need to either train someone, or to complete it myself.
+ When I take work off, and stay in a hotel, even though it is for an industry event, it is a vacation, right? Sort of? I mean vacations are fun, and this is fun, so it's vacation.
+ Get over it! You get to work, doing something you love!
So due to a combination of above said activities, I came back a day early, from my scheduled time off over New Year (taxes, club shipments, year end inventory, Stitches West prep). And because I have scheduled for an extra day off next week, in which I am actually going to leave my house, stay in a hotel, in the woods, I am busting ass to get my work done - which I hope to God doesn't make my so overtired and grumpy that I can't enjoy my time off.
Where am I going next week? To a workshop, to learn how to compost indigo, in order to make dye. I mean really, can I complain? No.
I would like to make a request. I would like, this year, to take 2 weeks off, for the sole purpose of relaxing - without any ulterior work related motivation. I would like the shop to be stable enough, that the staff is happy and working, and have all the capacity in the world to run the shop. They dyeing will be compete so the studio can close. And I will wander, feeling happy and safe to do so.